but then, what about the afterlife? do you believe in it? i certainly do. im a muslim, lol. then again, i wont explain to you how life in afterlife is like in Islam, coz well, lets put it this way, im not that religious and there are many other things that i dont know of.
Speaking of death, im the type of person who cant deal with death much.
Sometimes i get so afraid of it that i wished im dead. make any sense? dont think so, i mean, the people around me, my family, friends and such. im so afraid that they are going to die. i mean, the close ones of course.
I just dont know how i would be able to cope with it. knowing that they are not there....forever.
thinking about it gives me a heartache already.
I used to love cats, i mean i still do, just not as before. when i was 11, i had this grey cat, named debab, and i would sleep with him every night. He had a scar on his front paw, and his jaw were cut in half when he was a teen. he got that from sleeping in the car's fan. He was so close to me, you could say that he was my best friend, one of the best i ever had.
and so, one day he disappeared, for days.
Later on i found that he was dead. i didnt know how to react, so i would cry every night. till god knows when, and ever since, i was so afraid of death of the people i love, especially my parents, they traveled a lot and i was so afraid that something could happened to them. and that fear goes on for years..no, till now.
and so years passed and i was 14, i got 2 persian + scotish black and white female cats for my birthday, and one in particular, named sayang, i loved very much. they were always in my room but one day, sayang escaped through the bathroom's window. and everyday i would search for her. until one day, when i saw a black and white furry animal lying on the ground, i thought it was a dead skunk, but malaysia does not have any skunks, so i realized that it was her body, lay motionless, on the ground, and half of her stomach was gone....i was so affected by that incident that i grew thin. over time, i healed. but i was not the same.
so ever since then, i tried not to love any cats i own. them dying is just too painful for me to bear...and the thoughts that humans that im close with are going to be gone too...is just..hurtful to think of.
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