Death

ahh death, it seems that every single living things have to experience it at the end of their life, obviously.

but then, what about the afterlife? do you believe in it? i certainly do. im a muslim, lol. then again, i wont explain to you how life in afterlife is like in Islam, coz well, lets put it this way, im not that religious and there are many other things that i dont know of.

Speaking of death, im the type of person who cant deal with death much.

Sometimes i get so afraid of it that i wished im dead. make any sense? dont think so, i mean, the people around me, my family, friends and such. im so afraid that they are going to die. i mean, the close ones of course.

I just dont know how i would be able to cope with it. knowing that they are not there....forever.

thinking about it gives me a heartache already.

I used to love cats, i mean i still do, just not as before. when i was 11, i had this grey cat, named debab, and i would sleep with him every night. He had a scar on his front paw, and his jaw were cut in half when he was a teen. he got that from sleeping in the car's fan. He was so close to me, you could say that he was my best friend, one of the best i ever had.

and so, one day he disappeared, for days.

Later on i found that he was dead. i didnt know how to react, so i would cry every night. till god knows when, and ever since, i was so afraid of death of the people i love, especially my parents, they traveled a lot and i was so afraid that something could happened to them. and that fear goes on for years..no, till now.

and so years passed and i was 14, i got 2 persian + scotish black and white female cats for my birthday, and one in particular, named sayang, i loved very much. they were always in my room but one day, sayang escaped through the bathroom's window. and everyday i would search for her. until one day, when i saw a black and white furry animal lying on the ground, i thought it was a dead skunk, but malaysia does not have any skunks, so i realized that it was her body, lay motionless, on the ground, and half of her stomach was gone....i was so affected by that incident that i grew thin. over time, i healed. but i was not the same.

so ever since then, i tried not to love any cats i own. them dying is just too painful for me to bear...and the thoughts that humans that im close with are going to be gone too...is just..hurtful to think of.